A youthful flame once burning bright
Is now too weak for this draining fight
As gusts of wind impede its growth
It vows to break its solemn oath
Afraid of burning out for good
It screams louder than it probably should
The screams and cries are muted each day
Silencing the flame in every way
Wishing for water to sooth its sores
The mighty flame becomes no more
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Through the Window.”
Go to the nearest window. Look out for a full minute. Write about what you saw.
Not the view from my window – Google
I looked through the largest window in my house, overlooking the narrow street where my building is located. I live in an apartment building in the middle of a crowded Cairo neighborhood, where there is almost no view. The building is surrounded by more building from every direction. Anyway from that particular window, I could see a thin line of trees in the middle of the street. I could also see the doormen from neighboring buildings, the frustrated residents in search of parking and the carefree youths swarming into the surrounding cafes. The view from my window is always noisy, active and ever-changing while never-changing.
“I can’t find myself”. “I don’t know what I want to be”. Clichés. Sentences said by many young people after they graduate from school and college. But the reason why they’re clichés is because they’re true. Some people know, they just know, what they’re supposed to be. They don’t let anyone or anything stand in their way. While others struggle to find their place in the world, literally and figuratively, they wander aimlessly through life. Some of these wanderers may have an ultimate goal, but are taking a longer time to reach it. Others have no goals and no ideas of their true purpose in life. I pity those people.
I thankfully have a broad idea of where I would like my life to end-up. But taking that road is the truly difficult part. I don’t want a traditional life. I don’t dream of sitting on a desk for eight hours punching in numbers and getting a paycheck in the end of the month. That would kill me. I hope for some adventure. I would like to explore the world. And write.
I was asked once whether or not I would want a career. That depends on how you define the word career. If you are referring to a climb on the corporate ladder, which would inflate my bank account and suck years out of my life, then no. But if you are talking about growing in a specific field and succeeding in it, whatever it may be and however much it may pay, then yes. I would like some resemblance of a career. Most importantly though, I want a life!
Growing up is an inevitable part of life. People spend most of their lives as adults. You worry about providing for yourself and then for a family and then you grow old and look back at the years that passed. The question is how will they look like? Is it a life of success or love or joy or misery or regret?
This year I graduated from college and took my first step towards adulthood. I started my first real job, teaching kindergarten. Granted I won’t make a career out of it, but it is a job. I’m surrounded by adults, who talk about their husbands (all my colleagues are women) and their children and their duties. All the while I’m thinking I’m too young for this kind of conversation.
I’ve been worrying about my future for the past four years. I spent hours upon hours stressing about what I should be doing after graduation, time I could’ve spent enjoying every second I had in college. They were the best years of my life, and I would do anything to bring them back. I miss cramming for exams and staying up all night to work on papers and projects. I miss having my friends by my side all day every day. Now when I walk on campus I feel like a stranger, in a place that used to be like a second home to me. As much as I criticized it, I loved it.
Now as this year comes to an end and after being a college graduate for six months, I’m saying I don’t want to grow up. I want to be young for one more day. I don’t want responsibility or worry. I want independence and freedom (which you acquire more of when you’re older, supposedly). But to be young as long as possible is a dream I would like to pursue. Because it’s not about age, if you’re young at heart, you’ll remain young forever. Embrace youth, enjoy it and love it while it lasts.
Song Choice: We Are Young, Young Forever
An Artist at Heart 