Grey Sheet

A grey translucent sheet is cast in front of my eyes
Distorting my view and signaling my demise
I see the world often so bleak
A crippling feeling that hinders my ability to speak

Past regrets and pains swimming in my mind
Rendering me virtually blind
Absent I am from the events of the present
But I try and often fail to seem almost pleasant

Regretable choices not truly chosen
By a heart once beating and now sits frozen
Trying to please eveyone but myself
I commit to decisions made by eveyone else

Fears take charge of a boggled mind
Detaching it from reality and forcing it to hide
Creating a world so it can try to survive
The tortured self has not yet been revived

Only Sixteen

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Only Sixteen.”

Tell us all about the person you were when you were sixteen. If you haven’t yet hit sixteen, tell us about the person you want to be at sixteen.

sixteen

For many, sixteen is one of the earliest steps towards adulthood; a time to be cherished and thoroughly enjoyed. But for me being sixteen was probably one of the worst years of my life. A high school junior at the time, I was depressed, more so than at any other point in my life. My experience was a bit of a cliche really. I wasn’t popular, was bullied, fought back most of the time, and spent the majority of my time alone listening to the saddest and/or angriest music I could enjoy. However that year was a significant building block of the person I am today.

Quotes on Depression

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“There is no point treating a depressed person as though she were just feeling sad, saying, ‘There now, hang on, you’ll get over it.’ Sadness is more or less like a head cold- with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer.” – Barbra Kingsolver (The Bean Trees)

“When you’re surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you’re by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don’t feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you’re really alone.” – Fiona Apple

“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.” – C.S. Lewis

“I don’t want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted.” – Elizabeth Wurtzel (Prozac Nation)

“The sun stopped shining for me is all. The whole story is: I am sad. I am sad all the time and the sadness is so heavy that I can’t get away from it. Not ever.” – Nina LaCour (Hold Still)

“Depression is the most unpleasant thing I have ever experienced. . . . It is that absence of being able to envisage that you will ever be cheerful again. The absence of hope. That very deadened feeling, which is so very different from feeling sad. Sad hurts but it’s a healthy feeling. It is a necessary thing to feel. Depression is very different.” – J.K. Rowling

“Some people are just not meant to be in this world. It’s just too much for them.” – Pheobe Stone (The Boy on Cinnamon Street)

“Losing your life is not the worst thing that can happen. The worst thing is to lose your reason for living.” – Jo Nesbo

“Depression is melancholy minus its charms.” – Susan Sontag (Illness as Metaphor)

“Depression is anger turned inward.” – Sapphire (Push)

“Not easy to state the change you made.If I’m alive now, I was dead,
Though, like a stone, unbothered by it.” – Sylvia Plath