I haven’t been able to write anything in a long time, which I find quite frustrating. But for some reason right now, I feel like putting everything on the page. Maybe I would feel better, or not; either way beats doing nothing. There are times in my life when I feel like screaming my lungs out; expressing my anger and frustration literally. But instead I sit here in front of my computer screen and type. I’ve become excellent at pretending everything in my life is okay, and better yet at laughing about it (in public at least). Every day another fight another argument; it’s all become exhausting. I know I may not be making much sense, but bear with me.
There are people who are born in cages and dream every day of escaping them, while there are others that are told that these cages are in fact freedom. For me to be free is to be able to have full and total control of your own life, as long as that freedom doesn’t harm you or others; to not be restricted. I yearn for that feeling and I will spend every day of my life fighting to achieve it. My whole life I have lived in a closed, patriarchal society that has suffocated me day after day. But lately it has been getting worse. Between protests that close up half the country and curfews that force people to lock themselves in their own homes, things are becoming intolerable.
I want to leave my home for a fresh start, for independence and for a life. I realize that I’m throwing such big concepts around, but that is the truth. When you live your whole life feeling that every move you take has to be accounted for, that you are almost not allowed to be yourself, you eventually feel that you are surrounded by iron bars from every direction. I wish one day to release myself from my cage.