Replay

Have you ever wished that you could go back in time and change something? If you could change this one day or one incident, maybe not even drastically, your life would never be the same. Maybe you wanted to say goodbye to a person you lost, or reverse a mistake you knew you shouldn’t have made or cease an opportunity that you allowed to pass by.

I have had many chances in my life, and I’ll probably have many more. However I don’t always make use of those chances, I let them pass me by either out of fear, indifference at the time, or not seeing what is right in front of my eyes. Lately there have been a few of moments in my life I’ve been recalling and hoping for a different outcome. But obviously that can never happen; because once a moment has passed its passed forever.

For the past couple of days I’ve been replaying one particular memory over and over again. As if I’m trying both to hold on to it as well as change it. As if I’m forcing my mind to distort the memory, so it would appear the way I want it to appear. I’ve been holding on to one moment of spontaneity that made me feel so alive. I’m trying to recreate that feeling as well as alter the memory slightly. I didn’t take full advantage of a situation, on purpose and for a good reason, however every time I look back at it all I see is what I didn’t do. It irritates me that I’m obsessed by it and it irritates me even more that I didn’t seize that moment.

As I’m writing this, I can see the scene before my eyes. It’s taunting me, because I won’t be able to feel that way right now or anytime soon. So I keep replaying what I want to see and stopping before the part I regret. Don’t ask me what is that moment, how it made me feel or why is it significant. All these questions are irrelevant.  But I would like you to think of this, if there is one moment in your life you would like to relive which would it be? And have you ever felt the need to replay a certain memory in order to try and reconsider it?

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One thought on “Replay

  1. I admire your courage to express your feelings and write freely. Never stop writing Baheya. God, I miss you, take care ❤

    Like

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