Dilemma 20 (Dreams and Realities)

She was always dreaming; dreaming of an adventure, dreaming of meaning for her life, dreaming of constant change. Even though regarding the last thing, she wasn’t so sure; she wasn’t sure if her life kept changing all the time she would be comfortable with that. She got excited about very new endeavor in her life, every new incident that happens to her, every time she closes an old chapter and opens a new one.  But was she sure whether constant change and lack of stability is what would make her happy, no. She was still quite young, too young to settle down, there was still a world of opportunities ahead of her. But for now, she was content with where she was in life. She was in no need of change at the moment, for she had already recently taken a leap forward in her life. Still from time to time she feels that her life is stagnant and empty, because she had no one to share it with.

However she feels highly ungrateful, when these thoughts cross her mind. She had plenty in her life, probably more than she had only a few months ago. She had a steady job, maybe not her dream job but at least one that brings in a monthly income, she also had a roof over her head and a group of friends who love and supported her and have become like a family to her. Most importantly she was completely independent, something she had been striving for for years. Many may argue that she has been independent for several years now, but she still considers it the most important aspect of her life, worth being grateful for.

This independence however came at a very steep price. She is constantly struggling financially, she is in debt and she is almost always unable to see her family, who live thousands of kilometers away. But she chose to leave and she never once regretted that decision, because she knew that if she had stayed she would have been burying herself alive; there was no future there for her. Nonetheless from time to time she missed her family, a more secure life and a good home cooked meal.

“I’m going shopping for make-up and then we’re all going out for lunch, do you wanna come with?” asked her friend, violently opening her bedroom door.

“Yeah I need nail polish and eyeliner. But I can’t make it to lunch, I have errands to run. I’ll catch up with you guys after,” she replied.

“Are you ok?” inquired her friend. “You seem distant lately.”

“I’m fine,” she lied. For she was not fine or maybe that’s what she was, just fine; she wanted to feel ecstatic, overjoyed, more than fine. She had ambitious dreams and great hopes, dreams that were quite difficult but not unachievable.


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