Dilemma 17 (Vacuum)

She felt like she was walking on air, like the floor was quickly disappearing from underneath her feet with every step.  She heard her heart beat in her ears like loud drums and felt it as it sank with every breath she took. She stood in the middle of her living room, and watched as her furniture disintegrated right before her eyes. The paint chipped right off the walls and the walls suddenly turned white. The walls began closing in on her and the floor vanished. She was left standing in the middle of a vacuum with nothing but a concrete wall on either side of her growing closer with every second. She tried to scream, but no sound came out, she tried to cry but no tears fell from her eyes. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t move. She stretched out her arms and tried to push the walls, hoping that this final desperate act would save her life. But to her despair the walls just kept moving closer and closer and nothing she tried was going to stop them. The walls flattened her.

She opened her eyes to see everything in place. She started hyperventilating and her heart started racing. “It was just a nightmare,” she thought.  She composed herself, and with all the strength she had dragged herself off the couch and tried to recover from the nightmare. She splashed some water on her face, made herself a cup of hot chocolate and returned to the living room, where her beloved dog waited for her.

“I guess my subconscious knows I’m in deep shit, because that nightmare was definitely reflective of how I feel right about now,” she thought. “I haven’t had a single job of any kind since the vacation I took three months ago. I’m just waiting for my eviction notice, because that would be the cherry on top of the cake. Also because it will probably come soon, since I haven’t paid rent in almost five months. I can barely afford food right now, the last thing I need is to be both homeless and starving. Things have never gotten this bad before in my entire life. I mean I’ve struggled financially before, but I’ve never feared that I might be on the street. I think I need to consider asking my best friend if I could move in with her, at least then we could both save a ton on rent. The other option would be to move back home for a while, but I most certainly can’t afford plane fare. Plus this is my home now. I need a job and fast, even if it’s as a waitress. I’ve been applying for jobs for months, but no one’s hiring. I need any source of income even if it means I’m doing something I’m completely uninterested in. I can’t afford to be picky anymore.”

 She grabbed her laptop, which sat nearby, and started browsing the internet for jobs all over again. For someone her age, her resume wasn’t bad at all. She’d been working and interning since the age of sixteen, however she didn’t have any connections that could speed up the processes; she had to rely on herself and her skills. She spent the rest of the night online applying to any and every job that she is qualified for, in the hopes that anyone would hire her.

“I can’t be a freelancer anymore; I need a stable source of income. Because right now I’m in free fall and this is the only way I can stand on solid ground once more,” she said, half to herself and half to her sleeping dog.   

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