Dilemma 13 (Lost & Confused)

She watched the sun rise over the horizon from her balcony, as she sipped her foamy cappuccino. The cold morning air brushed across her face and blew her long hair. She couldn’t believe that she had been up all night working on her photos for the contest. She was glad that she decided to join. “It would be great exposure,” she thought.  Her dog stood by her heel and wagged its tail. She looked down at him and smiled. As she admired the beautiful view, she remembered her old college photographs that she had come across the night before. But most importantly she remembered the feeling of confusion that she had lived with for most of those four years, and how the past few months felt exactly like that. Leaning at the ledge, she thought about how her life had been lately:

“I didn’t know what I wanted when I was in college. I changed my mind and my major more than once. I doubted every decision I made, which drove me crazy. Not to mention it affected both my grades and my self-esteem. But now, I’m definitely satisfied with the decisions I made in the end. It was the right fit for me. Even though I’m struggling right now, I wouldn’t take it back. I finally have some stability in my professional life. In all honestly I wouldn’t mind a more stable source of income, but I know myself and I know that more stability means more restrictions and for me that is too high of a price to pay. And I am happy with my job. I wish I could say the same about my personal life though. It hasn’t been this unstable or this frustrating in years. I was lost back then and I’m lost again now. I haven’t spoken to him except once since he left and the conversation was quite brief. I don’t know what he wants. Actually, at this point, I don’t even know what I want. What I do know though, is that this isn’t it,” she paused momentarily and listened to silence of the city at that hour. “The city is gorgeous at this hour. It’s so quiet and peaceful.”

She walked out of the balcony, got dressed, grabbed her camera and her dog and decided to have an early day. She began snapping pictures of the city in the early morning light. The different shades of oranges and purples made her look at the city from a new perspective, which put a huge smile on her face. As the sun rose, it gave life to the city. The once quiet calm city quickly turned into a bee-hive buzzing with people running hastily to work. She walked in the middle of the chaos and quickly got sucked into it.


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