She walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel with her hair dripping water all over the bedroom floor. She sat behind her dresser and began running a brush through her hair. It had been days since she had last left her apartment or had spoken to anyone. Looking at her reflection in the mirror she realized something that she had known for a while, but never admitted to herself, that the only person who truly cared about her and who would never hurt her is staring back at her in the mirror. “I’m alone. I’ve always been alone, sometimes even when I’m not. I can be surrounded by a sea of people but still feel lonelier than ever. I don’t want to feel lonely. I don’t want to feel angry or sad or frustrated either. I want to feel nothing.”
Looking at herself in the mirror, she remembered that night a few months earlier. He was an old acquaintance, whom she detested. They worked together for a while but they never stopped hating one another. He hurt her several times and she did the same to him. But they had this unexplainable attraction between them; an attraction that was born from that hate.
‘She walked through the door that night. “You can throw your coat anywhere,” he said. They worked until the darkest hours of the night. They were both exhausted, but they knew that they had no other time to finish the work. With her hands were pressed against the table, she stared down at the papers that were scattered across it and he stared at her. And as she pondered the fate of their project, he ran his finger down her spine. She looked up and turned her head slowly. Their eyes made contact and before they knew it, their lips locked. He then lifted her and placed her on the table, tossing the papers aside in the process. The passion and intensity of the entire act was fueled by pure contempt. When it ended she put on her coat and walked out.’
“I felt nothing. He made me feel nothing,” she thought recalling the events of that night. “I need that right now. I don’t need confusion. I don’t need worry. I don’t need pain. But I do want romance and love.”
She flipped her hair back, dropped the towel, got dressed and went to bed. Feeling the soft pillow beneath her head was a much-needed comfort, after one of the most depressing days she’s ever had.